Is January a new start?
Or have we got it so, so very wrong?
A New Year, the same opinionated ol’ me. WELCOME to 2024!
And the question on everyone’s lips is…
I asked around and as the answers started to flood in, I started noticing an interesting trend, setting this year apart for me. But before I’m run away with my own conclusions on resolutions or new habits, here are some of the responses I’ve had…
“Nay, they never work. I set goals first for the year and then by month. This year I’m keeping track more carefully.”
“I love them but I am very conscious of the words I use. I have goals, intentions & foci, not resolutions.”
“I set them... but couldn’t possibly start them while the kids are still on school hols!”
“I’ve chosen 5 things to embrace instead! Feel very confident about them”
FINALLY! My long-practiced personal philosophy seems to resonate with many - as the trend very much seems to be about abandoning the traditional way of setting resolutions (=huge goals requiring mythical amounts of self-discipline and allowing 0% flexibility), and instead, we seem to be favouring a more intentional, adaptable way through the new year.
Interesting, isn’t it? Whatever happened to “hell yes, I will gym every single day in January” or “I’m cutting out sugar completely this year”? I know they’re still flying about too, but I promise you, there is less of them than ever before (in my memory anyway). Also, they will fizzle out by mid-Jan at best.
Am I a cynic? Just a little sceptical? Should I perhaps have more faith in you, if you’re one of those heroes who sets themselves a wild new challenge every January and then completes it every time, without a single moment of faltering, to the applause of all the awed onlookers?
If you are one of that rare breed and completing these challenges brings you true and lasting joy, I do congratulate you (absolutely no sarcasm, I swear).
But I am not like you. And the reality is, we all have a tendency to overpromise and underdeliver. We aim for the stars, thinking that a high-set bar is the only motivation we need for success; Or perhaps if we just shout about our goal, then peer pressure will make us accountable… And we are completely forgetting that it’s the small, regular bursts of dopamine that helps us build a real, lasting, joyous habit. Why do you think Social Media has such a hold on us? Small, regular bursts of dopamine.
So now you’re starting to see where I’m coming from (I hope), are there healthier, more sustainable ways to goal-set? Yes, and I’ll get to those. First, I want to share what I believe are 3 most common mistakes that absolutely set us up to fail. Here’s what to avoid when you think of your goals/intentions/resolutions, to maximise chance of achievement:
setting too high a bar - if you’ve never run before, why on earth do you think that this January, right after potentially having a week off work, full of food and booze (going with a generalisation here, I appreciate we might all experience the last week of December differently) and you think NOW is when you’re suddenly going to run every single day? WHY?! I run, and I don’t run that often. I think it’d put me off running, actually…
Anyways, back to you! Instead, why not try walking. 20 minutes a day, every day. If you can do that in January, my hat off to you, and yes, then you have my blessing to raise the stakes in February.
punishing yourself - I subscribe to a positive-reinforcement approach. No lasting change can be made by punishing yourself and science does prove that success built on shame, repression or denial, while likely to be a quick win, will not build a lasting habit. You’re instead much more likely to relapse and lose all you’ve built / undo all your hard work and some. To try and avoid this one, watch out for red flags in your self-talk like: “I can’t believe I’ve done this”, “I should have…” or taking action based on feeling guilty.
extrinsic motivation - defined as “a motivation to participate in an activity based on meeting an external goal, garnering praise and approval, winning a competition, or receiving an award or payment”. Extrinsic motivation can be the equivalent of peer-pressure, but in a forward-propelling way. Sure, you’ll probably run that marathon (congrats by the way), but will you ever again run for yourself, just for 20 minutes around your local park, without mentioning it to anyone else? Doubt it. Whereas actions motivated intrinsically (by you, for reasons you have reflected on) are much more likely to remain in your life, even if they take longer to build. They are much more likely to stick, because they will be bringing you joy and a feeling of accomplishment that is personal and unique to you.
Note from me: And if you want to verify whether the goal is truly yours, or coming from somewhere else altogether, why not skip January? If you want to start a new habit, I can think of 11 better months than the one that’s been traditionally, capitalistically steeped in the pressure to reinvent yourself. There’s nothing wrong with you - go start a new habit in March instead, when warming weather, longer days and budding flora will naturally put a spring in your step.
On a more positive note, if you still insist on setting new goals right now, it’s worth bearing in mind the good old ‘SMART’ technique - only set the goal that is: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. This will greatly improve the chances of achievement, as you’ll be able to course-correct in time.
Need some inspiration to snap out of the outdated ‘resolutions’ messaging? Here’s a few ideas:
Set intentions with an achievable, manageable ‘menu’ of options - meaning keeping your results choice open and flexible (REMEMBER: a job done 80% of the way is 80% success, NOT 20% failure!). Perfectionism is the enemy of action.
Setting a word or phrase to focus on, for example: ‘carefree’, ‘brave’, ‘thrive’, ‘challenge’, ‘soft yet vibrant’ (I’ve heard all of these recently!). Some people set a word for the whole year, some set one per quarter or month by month (or all of the above). The important thing to remember is that it’s all about being intentional, and nurturing a reflective practice - if your focus word isn’t getting you where you want to be, you leave yourself room to adapt and change the word.
It really does seem like resolutions are out, and reflections, words and intentions are in!
Why is that? Some final thoughts…
I have a theory.
I believe that since the COVID-19 pandemic and what felt like a lifetime (but in reality was about 2 years, still much too long) of restrictions, uncertainty, pressure, grief, news (and many other types of) overload… I think we all could do, and perhaps crave, a more gentle, kinder approach - an approach that allows us to wake up in the morning and try again, differently, maybe having re-crunched some numbers and rejigged some deadlines.
An approach that is more intentional and less ruthlessly absolute.
An approach that is more in tune with who we are today, while leaving room for the growth we have yet to do.
Because re-crunching numbers doesn’t mean you failed.
Rejigging deadlines doesn’t mean you failed.
Because if all you had to give today was 40%, and you gave 40%… doesn’t that mean you gave it a 100% of what you had?
Be gentle with yourselves.
If you enjoyed reading and think you and your business can benefit from my insights - get in touch!
